Shoulda’

2 11 2010

Yesterday was “Getting rid of the ‘shoulds’ day”.

Less regrets …

Apparently, you were supposed to get rid of all the “I know I should …” do’s, be’s, have’s, etc that plague your conscience and trouble your sleep. Sounds good to me. So I gave it a try – following is my train of thought from yesterdays efforts in that regard. They’re a little jerky, ‘cause I was thinking about it off and on through the day. Bear with me.

Thoughts from the cluttered mind of Taylor McKinlay:

I no longer believe “I should be an adult all the time.” In fact I think I should be childlike more often. There’s a female cardinal in the cedar bush outside my window. I’m going to take a few minutes to watch her. Back soon.

Wow, there were a pair of cardinals, I’d have missed that if I hadn’t gone to look. Let’s try another.

I’m always telling myself “I should quit making piles of things.” But I’ve never stopped doing that. In fact, I’ve started to think that it’s my way of organizing. It’s a pretty poor way of organizing, but for want of something better, and I promise to keep searching for something better, I’m going to cut myself some slack here also. Back in a minute.

Okay, I made a pile of camera equipment on the dining-room table. The next time there’s cardinals outside my window I’ll get a picture for you. What other ‘should’ can I get rid of. I should be able to think of something … lol.

I know what other ‘should’ I can get rid of, I’m always saying “I should have thought of that.”, berating myself over things that make me appear stupid. I’m not feeling very well today, bad cough and a sore throat. I’m also feeling thick headed. My doctor’s office hours have been canceled for the day for a Flu Shot Clinic, so.

I guess there is something to be said for learning from experience, but I don’t actually learn that way. I have to be conscious of the problem going in and have a positive outcome coming out in order to learn. So I’ve decided to head off to the emergency room. That ought to stop me from worrying about “I should have thought of that”.

Well, I’m sitting in a room in the emergency department of our hospital right now. My chest is in pain every time I cough, and I’m coughing a lot. I now have a pain in my shoulder.

I brought my notebook, and a novel with me. I was ahead of the game this time. I’m always ending up in waiting rooms – emergency, doctor, dentist waiting rooms, with nothing to do. By being prepared I avoided sitting here thinking over and over “I should have brought my work with me.” A preemptive move to get rid of another ‘should’. Ha

So now, I’ve seen the doctor, had an xray and been given a prescription for antibiotics. I’ve also been given a lecture, speaking of ‘shoulds’. I’ve been told I should have been here sooner, I should have been a responsible adult, I should be more organized …

I guess I should have thought that.

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