Lost and Found

10 08 2010

Okay, a couple of months ago I confessed to being ADHD. I admit I’m undiagnosed, but I promise I’m either ADHD or a hypochondriac, and neither one is good. Actually, I’m sure I’m ADHD, being a hypochondriac requires more focus and attention than I can muster.

I’m a Labourer

I’ve been labouring under the misconception that I know myself very well. This has been a labour of years and it has been wrong. I’ve recently been made aware that a lot of things I thought applied to me were not factual and qualities I thought I had are non-existent in my make up. I am not the patient, laid back, easy going guy I thought I was. I’m not good at multitasking. (I’m good at starting multiple tasks, does that count?) I’m not good at being interrupted, being questioned about what I’m “doing right now”, being guided one step at a time as if two separate instructions would confuse me.

The lost and Found box is full …

I’ve lost the me I thought I was. Actually, I never had the me I thought I was. So what have I found? That, I thought, was a tough question. Turns out, I’ve found reasons for a lot of things that confused me. I now know why I can leave a room on an errand and return ten minutes later having done ten things, none of which was the thing I intended to do. I know why I am a great driver when it comes to parallel parking, collision avoidance and winter driving, but can find myself on the wrong side of the road on a clear warm day with no traffic around and no challenges in sight. I’ve also found that I am not alone when it comes to blurting out inappropriate things at inopportune times.

Treasure in the box

But the one thing I’ve found that makes this discovery worth while for me is a tribe, a group of people, my ADHD brothers and sisters. I’ve found people who don’t work to understand me, they don’t have to, they just understand. Even if they don’t share the exact same traits, they seem to be able to empathize.

So, that’s life I guess, one great big lost and found box and I’m in the middle of it. Why am I still going through the things I’ve lost and the things I’ve found? Well, change is a little upsetting. It’s kind of like chipping a tooth, you know you chipped it, you know what it feels like, but still your tongue runs over that chip again and again. My mind keeps running it’s tongue over the chip in my self assessment again and again. I’m sure it will feel normal eventually. But I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that analogy – my mind’s tongue – yeesh!

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