Dr. Taylor’s Advice for Single Guys

14 06 2010

I have a friend who has a complaint. It’s about the men in this town we live in. She can’t seem to find one good one.

Strike one

Her complaint is a valid one. She has had four relationships in the last two years, none have stuck. First came  the end of a longer term relationship. It took some getting over. We talked a lot: love, being alone, other things that you think about and deal with in these situations. The break-up started out like taking a break, needing some space, she told me she still had feelings for him. He told her he still loved her. Then she found out that he neglected to break up with his last girlfriend too. We’ll call this guy “The Ex!”

Strike two

Secondly, a cup of coffee and a couple of phone calls with a guy whom she quickly became wary of. Something about him caused her concern. I advised her that if she was getting bad vibes she probably should drop him, she had already decided that and was thankful for my confirmation. We’ll call him “Coffee Guy.”

Strike three

Then came what seemed like a great match, a younger fellow who seemed a straight shooter. He was active(a must, my friend is a busy person) happy to be doing things – bicycling, dancing, hiking, making music, etc. All was well. He said settling down, staying close to home was what he wanted to do. Then suddenly, he wanted to see the world. Huh? He tells her that her adventurous spirit and zest for life has made him want to live life to the fullest. Ironic! We’re going to call this one “Drummer Boy.”

Strike four???(now you really aren’t playing ball)

Most recently came another young man who seemed to be in sync with my friend. It was, perhaps, too soon after Drummer Boy, but when lightning strikes, you move or get struck. She got struck. They finished each other’s sentences, they knew what the other was doing, thinking, planning. They were, it seemed, to good to be true, at least in her opinion. The whole thing was a little too saccharine when observed from the outside but from the inside, it made her heart sing. Turns out this guy was still looking around at the same time that he was telling her he was dedicated to finding out where their relationship was going. I haven’t got a name for this jerk yet, many nasty possibilities present themselves, but this blog is rated “G” so I’m going to rely on your imaginations to fill in the blanks.

So what’s the message here?

So, what is it I’m trying to say here? Damn, I thought it would have come to me by now. It seemed to me that it should be a message warning the women in this town, but they don’t need telling, instead, I’ve got a message for the men.

Listen up!

If you’re sitting across the table from a woman, or on the couch beside her, or walking hand-in-hand or biking together, don’t be thinking about how long this needs to last to get you to someone else. Don’t be wondering what you can get from this. Don’t be looking elsewhere for a source for what you aren’t getting yet. And, dammit, don’t be contemplating exit strategies! Instead, ask yourself, what have you not found out about this woman yet? What secret qualities does she have that you would be amazed by? What is her favourite book, poem, colour, song, mood, weather, super-hero, hockey team(yes she has one), season, actor, road, time of day, store, river, tree, flower, bird. Does she like warm sweaters on cold days or shorts and tees on hot days.

And another thing …

Also, ask yourself what can you do to convince her that you’re what she wants. What can you say to show her that you care. What can you do to make her see that you’re in this for the long haul.

And lastly, be in it for the long haul. If you started into a relationship with a woman because of some superficial attraction, shame on you. Don’t entangle her emotions until you’re sure that that attraction runs deeper.

If you’re not willing to do these things, then I’d like to suggest an alternate course of action that is almost as good, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY FRIEND, she deserves so much better than you, and I’m tired of seeing her get hurt.




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