Taylor’s tips on decorating, Ha!

4 05 2010

Those who know me know I’m far from being a decorating maven, and that’s okay. The people in the “biz” are required to keep tabs on the industries current “hot and not” list and to maintain their own tastes at the same time, being risqué enough to be noticed while conforming enough to current tastes to avoid ridicule. The focus needed for this is beyond my current ability to muster.

And yet, at the same time, there are things that I have definite opinions on. My taste clashes with the world of haute couture for inner spaces, usually when function is sacrificed for fashion.

Don’t ask me …

I wouldn’t want anyone to come to me for decorating advice, but I do have some strong beliefs in the area. So you won’t have to ask, I’ll spell out the big ones here. As discussed in my first post, my problems with life are often trivial, however, these irritants do tend to gang up and so I attempt to address them individually and dispatch them with expedience. If you refer to my first post, you’ll find a brief discussion on bed skirts. If you don’t have time then I’ll summarize: Bed skirts bad, unless you’re a dust bunny or a bashful bed.

My cards are on the table, what’s on yours …

I hold a similar opinion regarding place mats on Arborite® and other melamine type tables. To place something on a table to pretend that you’re protecting it from damage when it is impervious to that damage seems odd to me. In fact, if I’m doing the laundry that week, it seems like a waste of my time and skills. Table runners fall slightly to the right of this category, I can’t even imagine their original purpose unless it was to protect good tables from hot serving dishes, in which case, go back and read this paragraph again.

Salle de “bane of my existence”

The bathroom is one place where I’m constantly amazed at what passes for decor. I don’t understand guest towels at all. Well, that’s not true, I understand the concept of putting out towels for guests. What I can’t fathom is towels that are so fancy that your guests can’t bring themselves to use them. I’ve been in washrooms where there is a nasty, formerly white towel on the vanity and lovely embroidered and appliqued towels on the wall. I’m a wee bit of a germaphobe so I can’t touch the used towel on the vanity and were I to use the “guest towels” I’d feel guilty. Sorry, that’s just me. My shirt and pants have dried my hands more times then I care to recall.

But wait, there’s more. If you act now …

But it doesn’t end there. Candles in the bathroom confuse me. Candles have three purposes, (and I use the word purposes loosely here) light, heat, and perfume. First, light. Okay, I’m not about to argue that a nice soak isn’t soul cleansing as well as body cleansing, and who wouldn’t appreciate some ambiance, some mood lighting, especially if you’re not alone in the tub. But three or more unlit candles that never get used seems like nothing more than the best of intentions. Secondly, heat. Your bathroom isn’t heated? And lastly, Perfume. SEE yesterdays post.

Pull the rug out …

Lastly I’d like to deal with carpet. I know that it is rare to see a carpeted washroom, and that’s how it should be. Carpet holds moisture and in a humid environment like the washroom that can cause molds, mildews and even structural damage. But those things can be dealt with and lessons are learned.

Potty humour, not!

What irks me is the carpeting of the toilet itself. Some go so far as to wrap the tank in borg®. Okay, I have to say something here that may sound a little sexist, but I ask your consideration. Please read this next part in it’s entirety. The wrapping of a tank together with the capping of a toilet seat in furry textiles seems to be the exclusive domain of the single woman. I say this simply because the combination makes it impossible to put the lid and even the seat up and have them remain there. While keeping a lid on things is good feng shui, this situation presents certain functional challenges for men. Having to hold the lid up at certain times requires more hands then we have. Consider the challenges we men encounter in a fully decorated washroom, my single friends. Don’t make us find a new use for that lace edged guest towel. Oh, that’s what that little mat around the base of the toilet is for … Okay, good then.

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