What stinks with room deodorizers?

3 05 2010

There seems to be an odd groundswell of people who, while professing a love for the environment and things natural, go out and buy chemicals in one form or another to put into the air under the misguided idea that these are “air fresheners.”

What’s that smell?

The inclusions in these potions, concoctions and parfums read like a list of ingredients from the infamous Love Canal. Things that can’t be pronounced, substances that are controlled and ingredients that can only be used in limited amounts due to regulations controlling these dangerous substances … “DANGEROUS SUBSTANCES!” are all to be found in colognes and diffusers, air fresheners and scented candles. And we willingly purchase these creations, bring them into our homes and release them into the air where our spouses, children and even our pets live and breath.

Midlife crisis, or denial?

This stuff we diffuse into the air or slap onto ourselves is no better than the stuff we diligently wash off of our fruit and vegetables. So why are we doing this? Are we trying to knock off our families so we can get started on that midlife crisis lifestyle we’ve been admiring? I don’t think so, you’re breathing and wearing the stuff too, you’ll never make it. The only thing that would explain it is, you don’t know any better.

What room am I in?

When you buy a diffuser liquid that says vanilla and you open it up, you ain’t getting vanilla. Well, if you are, it’s not the only thing you’re getting. The revelation came for me when my wife asked me to refill a diffuser for her and I obligingly opened a bottle of the toxin. The first wave of odour made my head snap back and my eyes water. “Holy s**t!” I said, “This stuff smells like a urinal puck.” That’s when I realized why more women buy these things then men. Men don’t associate these things with anything else as much as they do with the smell of hotel and restaurant restrooms. While those associations may not be unhappy ones, they don’t make us want to create the same ambiance in our homes.

What can you do?

Well the whole thing has become pretty wide spread. People give aftershave when they can’t think of a gift for me at Christmas. I smile and nod my head in thanks, the aftershave ends up in a box in my bathroom closet. The diffuser is still in my living room. It’s my wife’s, I’m not prepared for that battle, it’s easier to change the world and let her follow. But that’s where you come in. Leave the damned stuff on the shelf. When sales slump, production should fall off. Then the whole smelly mess will just go away. Anyway, I’m hoping that will be the result. I personally think the whole issue stinks.

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